My Healing Journey

In the Shamanic tradition of the ‘wounded healer,’ I started my healing path to Shamanism by overcoming some major health challenges. Over the past twenty-four years, I experienced constant exhaustion; debilitating anxiety and depression; heavy, irregular periods causing infertility; and crippling back and neck pain which I have healed through various natural healing modalities, studying nutrition, and making major lifestyle changes.

The biggest effect on my life has been through Shamanic Healing which has broken the repetitive cycle of self-limiting patterns of behaviour, caused by my dysfunctional family.  By conducting Shamanic Journeys on myself I was able to remove negative energy and blockages, change the programmes of behaviour, and receive my lost and stolen life force energy. 

This deep healing has enabled me to find my authentic self, create a new version of my reality, and step into my full potential. By healing my negative experiences, I have transmuted them into positive action by assisting others with their healing. As a natural empath, my abilities were previously a burden, but now I use them for the benefit of my clients to read their energy and receive intuition about their health and problems.

As the daughter of a narcissistic mother and a personality-disordered father who struggled with anxiety and depression, I had learned throughout my childhood that dysfunctional behaviour was the norm.  I saw my father enduring spousal abuse, which was a pattern he was repeating following his dysfunctional childhood with a narcissistic mother and depressed father, who was also being abused.

Due to the unpredictable nature of my mother’s behaviour, I was in a constant state of hypervigilance, looking for clues as to her mood and state of mind.  This led me to become an extreme empath who had learned to process other people’s negative feelings.  I was drawn to many other narcissistic and dysfunctional people throughout my life where I played out the same patterns of social anxiety, fear, and people-pleasing.  My people-pleasing pattern caused me to become a target for narcissists, bullies and controlling people in college, university, work, art school, friendships, and intimate relationships.

During my mid-twenties, I became severely depressed and I went to a Harley Street psychologist for three years of twice-weekly and then weekly psychotherapy.  This enabled me to discover that I had experienced narcissistic abuse from my mother but it didn’t stop me from repeating the behaviour in other areas of my life.

I was stuck looking at the relationship with my mother, trying to find a solution to make things right.  I was badly in need of the love that I hadn’t received as a child and no matter how badly she treated me I kept going back for more.  This unmet need also caused me to seek it elsewhere, causing patterns of neediness and co-dependency. Over a few years, I read many books on narcissism learning about the traits and then started spotting them in all of my friendships and other family members.  There were so many narcissists and bullies in my life that I started isolating myself away from them.

Over this period I made lifestyle changes such as cutting out alcohol, caffeine, and sugar, eating organic foods, avoiding toxins, and using only natural products on my skin. My research into vaccines and an interest in using herbs and natural supplements to prevent disease led me to become an admin on a Facebook group supporting over 10,000 mothers and fathers with natural approaches to family health. 

An important part of my healing has been working on the spiritual aspect of my life. First of all, this was through Christianity, particularly following the teachings of Yeshua, then Buddhism, Gnosticism, Taoism, and Hindu teachings. Training in Reiki and meditation has enabled me to heal myself emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically through daily practice over the past eleven years.

From my early teens, I experienced a 30 to 50-day cycle, acne, and heavy periods which wasn’t resolved by various contraceptive pills. In my early thirties, I had PCOS confirmed by ultrasound which was cleared with acupuncture and confirmed with another scan. However, early ovulation caused infertility so it took four years to conceive my first child.  Monthly acupuncture soon brought me into a 28-day cycle with ovulation on day 14, so my second only took two months to conceive.  My children are in excellent health through good nutrition, conscious parenting, herbs, homoeopathy and a happy home life.

I healed my underactive thyroid with Dr David Brownstein’s Iodine Protocol and I came off antidepressants for the fifth and final time after taking a high dose of Lugol’s Iodine for a year.  Replenishment of my iodine levels cleared up my ‘Generalised Anxiety Disorder’, and through my extensive research, I discovered it was actually low thyroid function due to halide toxicity.  Low thyroid function would also have been a contributing factor to my hormonal problems, anxiety, and depression.

The discovery of hair mineral analysis testing to identify the mineral deficiencies and heavy metals that affect thyroid function, led me to eat specific foods and take natural supplements for further support.  This journey inspired my Facebook group where I assisted over 1,000 women with natural approaches to thyroid health.  Many women are left in misery with hormone disruption, heavy periods, exhaustion, and brain fog causing them to experience a poor quality of life and broken relationships.  Doctors give them a combination of the pill the pill, antidepressants, and Levothyroxine which do nothing to help them to be the best version of themselves.

Undertaking a private genetic test led me to find out that I had a genetic defect called MTHFR which prevents the conversion of the B-vitamins in our food into the active form.  I have received great benefits from taking methylated B12 and a methylated B-vitamin complex.  When I don’t take it I notice that my mood is low and I start feeling tired and unproductive, which is similar to how I felt when I was diagnosed with depression.

Having had my scoliosis corrected through osteopathy and cranial osteopathy my chronic neck pain was corrected by a dentist trained in orthopaedic orthodontics. This involved widening my jaw and moving my teeth forward with appliances and fixed braces alongside cranial treatment, which means that I no longer need to take the strong painkilling medication I was prescribed as a teenager.

After attending a plant medicine retreat in 2019, I experienced profound healing on physical, mental, and emotional levels. I subsequently held space for three Shamans trained in different forms of Bwiti: a form of spiritual healing from Gabon in West Africa. During this time I raised my vibration and developed my energy-healing abilities.

I discovered the healing power of shamanic drumming after a session with a shamanic healer in 2020. It was a revelation to me that deep healing could occur without the use of hallucinogenic or psychedelic plant medicines and the associated risks. Plant medicines can cause dramatic, destabilising shifts, with contrasting highs and lows. I found shamanic journey work to be more gentle and nurturing yet just as effective at bringing about real, transformational change.

The results of this session inspired me to take a Shamanic Apprenticeship with Scott Silverston, founder of Shamanic Spirit Medicine. I spent a year working through the three levels of his Applied Shamanism course, completing 120 hours of training. Scott’s method is about working on one’s self before working on others. Through my journey work, I was able to resolve family conditioning, release trauma, reprogram my brain to change patterns of behaviour and remove the blockages that were holding me back so that I could gently navigate to my true self.

In doing so I became a ‘hollow bone’; in the words of the ceremonial chief of the Teton Sioux, Frank Fools Crow. He said this is how Wakan Tanka (The Great Mystery/God/Creator/Source) and his helpers of the four directions funnelled powers through him. Assuming no ownership of his abilities he always affirmed the “source of power is not ourselves”. I concur with this statement, believing myself to be a clear channel that brings down the healing light from Father Sky into the client before sending any darkness into Mother Earth.

After becoming seriously ill in 2021, I had a major operation to remove a tumour, measuring 11 cm in diameter, from my uterus.  I had a profound healing experience during a distance session with Scott, which healed the trauma I had experienced from my mother, and set a new programme of behaviour.  However, the general anaesthetic, opioids, and three blood transfusions left me unable to meditate or connect with my spiritual practices. Coming from a place of fear and utter depletion, I conducted daily meditation, grounding, Chi Gung, and Shamanic Journeys to get myself back into right-alignment.

I am very grateful that the universe provided me with this opportunity to progress my healing on a deeper level and gain a more powerful connection, further strengthening my abilities. Some healers can end up spiritually bypassing when they start focussing on their clients’ healing, which they find much easier than looking at their own issues.  Personal development work should be ongoing and we must continue to peel the onion of our psyche no matter how much progress we think we have made.

During the past four years, I have developed my healing practice using an established drumming technique to access an altered state of consciousness similar to that which I achieve during meditation. This enables me to access Spirit Mind to assist my clients in finding clarity, healing relationships, regaining their vitality, restoring balance, and enabling them to optimise their health and fulfil their full potential in all aspects of their lives.

Rose is a member of the Federation of Holistic Therapists and is fully insured.